Was he even listening? The music was really loud. Something that sounded like Lil Wayne and Naira Marley all at once. Who the hell was that?
His left hand held my neck, choking me.
“I know you like it” he purred in my ear.
Maybe, but not in this way, not like this.
I pushed against him but he didn’t budge.
Ahh, what’s all this one na?
He didn’t respond. His right hand started unbuttoning my shirt. I tried to shift, away from him but he held me tight and moved his mouth to my neck. His weight had doubled and he was acutely pressed into me, very evident and far gone into that abyss I vehemently dreaded. No no no!
“Get off me!” I barked.
Angry now and scared at the same time. It was meant to stop him, or so I thought but instead, he moved his hand under my already open shirt and tugged violently at my bra. It even seemed to excite him.
“I love it when you get aggressive like this” he mumbled.
His breath came in ragged heaps and heaves. His grip on my neck got tighter and I was struggling to breathe and get away from him. He made my efforts look like child’s play when he simply grabbed my hands and held them above my head. I was perfectly stuck now.
He looked down at my exposed body, then up to my face and without warning, dived in for a kiss.
His alcohol breath cut my oxygen off before his mouth did. It came crashing on mine like hot steam, biting, crushing, and literally swallowing me whole. It was violent and slippery.
I didn’t want this. I was writhing beneath him. My legs kicked at him furiously. Those poor limbs were slowly going numb from lack of proper blood flow.
“Stop fighting!” He shot at me.
His eyes shone as someone possessed. His other hand started to unbuckle my jean.
Ahhh, this was getting out of hand.
“Reggie! Get away from me, you bastard!” I yelled.
He yanked my open jeans down and slid his hand lower, groaning like a mad man. He was forceful, tugging at it like he wanted to rip it apart. I managed to slither my hands-free of his grasp and pushed him with my 5ft 3 frame might. He pushed back, grinding me into the sofa. The pressure hit my spine and I yelled in pain.
“Shut up!” He snapped back
I looked at the face of the man I had come to love. The man that swore to protect me…and what I saw was a predator. A raging mad predator!
I wasn’t going to keep quiet.
“You’re a scum Reggie! A mad man! That’s what you are!” I spat at him. He raised his hand and let it settle hard across my face. The slap stung deep into my skin, sending hot viral messages to my brain…
I felt something that tasted like ion in my mouth. Blood!
He got up. The demon was still very much active. His breathing still ragged. He looked me over and spat.
“Why bother when I can get it outside…with girls ten times better!”
With that, he was gone, slamming the door behind him in his rage.
I lay there, feeling absolutely useless, exposed, and exploited. What did I do wrong?
The song had changed to something a little tender, sounded like Sade Adu… or Alicia Keys.
Baby, would you hold me…
Or watch me walk away…
My heart’s bleeding tonight…
Tell me if you want this…
As I lay there, crying silently with my body curled up like a soft cotton fist, I knew.
“Hello… baby? I… I’m sorry”
I would always apologize.
I was NOTHING without him.
Written by Pinklady Ohakah