Freshly Single Memoirs Episode 1 ?
Freshly Single Memoirs Episode 1: After he had introduced himself, I allowed an intentional and uncomfortable silence rift through us. I waited by my keypad patiently, looking at his profile picture as a smirk formed around my lips. My friends would call these type “wizkid boys“. The ones that dangle themselves besides cars that don’t belong to them, wear all the blings in the world and bite their lips in every damn picture with half closed eyes, in a poor attempt at seduction, maybe.
….And so I waited some more. I saw he was typing and held myself back. This was going to be fun.
As I expected, the conversation drifted towards some very empty talks that had begun to bore the hell out of me. The first turn off was his abbreviations. He shortened everything. Then, he would press forward every minute, asking for a picture. My display picture was very obvious, but he needed more. He asked for three. Not one, THREE.
I told him this wasn’t a dating site. He laughed at it. Maybe it was funny but I wasn’t laughing.
There was a pause on his end before his last question came.
“Are you in a relationship?”
I stared at that question for what seemed like ages, wondering which of my rude replies would fit. But, beloved, I didn’t wake up with violence on my mind, so, I told him I was single. He jumped on the wagon immediately and began throwing unwanted compliments at me. I knew what he was getting at but I let him misbehave. Lol.
Five minutes later and I hadn’t replied to anything he said, he grew impatient.
“Re u dere?”
I gritted my teeth in irritation. I pulled out the closest reply I could find and launched it at him.
“Listen, I can’t say I understand where this conversation is heading to and I also don’t know why Tosin would give you my number but you need to chill. You don’t even know me or if I’m attracted to you.”
He started typing barely five seconds after I had sent my reply.
“If u r nt attractd 2me, u must b gay.”
I shook my head in disbelief. The nerve! Oh, we’re being petty now. I love Petty. Game on!
“First of all, you should be glad that I’m even speaking to you because honestly, there’s nothing worth my time here. Not your looks, not your borrowed clothes or the WiFi you’re currently milking at someone else’s expense. This is just a pity conversation. I’m doing you a solid favor. Be grateful. And yes. I’m gay. Call the police”.
The silence that followed told me he was either thinking of a comeback or wondering if blocking me would help with the pain. I definitely didn’t see the reply coming…
” I rly like u but u sound stubborn. Ok. Wil u cm 2 my house? I stay at Ngozika Estate. I wnt touch u. It’s a threesum. U can hav ur gal n I hav mine. I wnt 2 experience it”
I shook my head at another moment of disbelief. For a few seconds, I was speechless.
Boy – 1
Me – 0
Written by Pinklady Ohakah