Freshly Single Memoirs Episode 4
I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH ME. BET IT
“Why can’t you love me?”
I gently removed his hands from mine and leaned back, creating a safe distance between us. He made to close it up and stopped him. He sighed, looked at me, and continued.
“You always do that. You never let anyone close. I can’t even touch you. Is it just me or do you do this with other guys?”
“What do you want?”
I knew what the answer would be but I wanted this dialogue to be over as soon as possible.
“The problem here is that you have coconut head. I don’t understand how we have to keep talking about the same issue over and over again. I don’t want to date you or anyone. How’s that hard to understand?”
“I want to know why. You’re single, I’m single. I love you and … you love me too…”
“Who loves you?”
He looked at me, exhaustion settling into the frown lines on his forehead. He sat back, not taking his eyes off me. He was thinking and I could see it.
“So you don’t love me?” He finally replied.
I shook my head negatively. There was no use lying. I had no plans to string him along but he wanted to be strung along.
“Not even a little? I mean, it’s okay but even if it’s a tiny bit”.
“I’m trying to be as honest as I can. I don’t love you Kobe. You have to let this go”.
“You don’t understand!” His voice shook me.
I didn’t see the switch coming. His eyes were growing moist with the tears he was trying to hold back. He moved forward and grabbed my hands again, this time tighter.
“I can’t let this go. I’ve watched you date two guys. Somewhere in my mind,I always knew they wouldn’t last. I prayed for it. Now, I get a chance at having you and you say this to me?”
He didn’t blink. It was scary, the way his body heaved with pent-up emotions, but I needed to compose myself and control the situation.
“Stop it, Kobe! Get yourself together. I’m not a commodity you can have just because you want it. Life isn’t white and black. You can’t have everything”
His grip lessened somewhat and he bowed his head. I tried to remove my hands but he held on, solid.
“Tell me what to do. How can I fix this? How can I make you love me? Is there someone else you like?”
“I don’t know how else to make you understand this. I don’t want a relationship”
“I know your last relationship was…”
I quickly intercepted him, yanking my hands away.
“You don’t know anything about anything. I will not have this conversation with you again. It’s fruitless.”
We sat there, soaking in the silence. He didn’t take his eyes off me. I wasn’t in the mood for a staring competition, so I let mine wander. After a while, he cleared his throat and I turned my gaze to him.
“Since I can’t get you to agree to a relationship, how about we just be together?”
“Be together?” I was genuinely confused.
“Yes. We can do everything couples do but since you don’t want a relationship, we can leave that out”.
” If you want to say something Kobe, say it out”
“We could start off by being friends with benefits and as the feelings grow, we can make it official”
I couldn’t believe my ears. I sat there, dazed. A burst of sinister laughter welled up within me as I replayed the request in my head.
“Kobe, see what is coming out of your mouth. The nerve to even say it to me is what I find shocking. Friends with benefits? Are you out of your mind?”
“You said you didn’t want a relationship…”
“I thought… Listen, I just want to be close to you. I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry if it sounded somehow but you have to understand”
I shook my head in disappointment. I was done.
Later that night, surfing through Twitter, a text came in from him.
“I’m going to make you fall in love with me. Bet it”
Written by Pinklady Ohakah